


All The Ways A Man Can Fail

by Oboeist3



Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Batman being an ok Dad for once, Dick Grayson is too good for this world too pure, Gen, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 00:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10348410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oboeist3/pseuds/Oboeist3
Summary: In hindsight, it seemed like something Batman should have noticed sooner. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. Being a Dad isn't.





	

In retrospect, it wasn’t exactly surprising how long it took for Bruce, and by extension, Batman, to find out. He was rather oblivious, hadn’t even known he had a son until Alfred mentioned it, so really any finer details about said son were unlikely to stick without specific prompting. It had taken almost a month for Richard Grayson to even mention that he would maybe like to eat something other than lobster thermidor for dinner for once? Maybe like pizza instead, please padre? He’d used those big ol’ puppy eyes which Batman thought really ought to be classified as a lethal weapon, so they ordered Dominos, which charged a lame ‘island delivery fee’ but whatever, he was like super rich.   
  
Anyway, the point was that one day, several months and some strangely effective couple counseling after the whole World Destruction Incident, Batman noticed that he was alone in the Batcave. He tried calling out Dick’s name, even though that was a totally bogus nickname really, but the boy wasn’t in the trophy museum or any of the bat-themed vehicles. He wasn’t wandering around the mansion either, sliding on the tables or accidentally knocking over one of the many secret cameras. He wasn’t anywhere.   
  
Batman wasn’t worried, because he was Batman. But he did start thinking as quickly as possible of any explanation that came to mind. It couldn’t be the Joker, who was fond of stealing Robin to lure him out, because they just defeated him last Tuesday. Some of the other more probable villains were in prison, they were stocked up on food so he wasn’t shopping, and his oboe lesson had been cancelled because the recent weather made all his reeds flat, or something like that.   
  
“Computer, locate Richard Grayson.” he demanded, in a totally level voice with no panic at all.   
  
“Certainly.” the computer said, actually calm, a bar reading ‘Scanning Mansion’ flashing across the screen, filling up way too slow considering the RAM he invested in this thing. “Master Grayson is in the third floor bathroom.”   
  
Batman sighed in relief, because it would be a pain to go rescue him from danger. Not because he was worried at all. He opened up the camera for the hall where the bathroom was, waiting for Dick to come out. Just to check the computer wasn’t being screwy. He waited for one minute, two, five. The door remained firmly closed.   
  
“Uh, how long has he been in there?” he asked, tilting his head, as if changing the angle would make the door suddenly open. It didn’t.  
  
“Approximately two hours and twenty-seven minutes.”   
  
“Two hours?! Why?”   
  
“I can not tell you that.” The computer said, the screen flashing red with parental control in white letters. Batman scowled.  
  
“What do you mean you can’t tell me that?”   
  
“I can not tell you that.”   
  
Batman banged the console, which did nothing but hurt his hand.   
  
“Ow.” he definitely did not say. Batman does not feel pain from something so minor. “Fine then. I’ll just check on him myself. Stupid computer.” he grumbled, storming over to the bat-elevator, which was like a regular elevator, but cooler. When he got to the third floor, he gingerly walked up to the bathroom door, rapping his knuckles on the wood.   
  
“Kid? You alright in there?” he asked, pressing his ear against the door. He heard a miserable groan, slightly echoed by the tiles, slowly rising and falling threw the decibel range. He knocked on the door again, harder this time. “Kid?” The groaning stopped.   
  
“BatDad?” Dick asked, and something about the way his voice croaked around the word made his chest tighten uncomfortably. It felt something like fear, but deeper. More painful. Batman didn’t want to feel it anymore, wanted to run from it. But he couldn’t leave Dick alone. That wasn’t heroic at all.   
  
“Yea.” he said, because now didn’t seem like the time to remind him not to call him that. “What’s going on?”   
  
“Nothing!” he said, quick and high-pitched, an obvious lie. “I’m fine, yeperoni! Peachy, really. Having the time of my life!”   
  
“In the bathroom.” Batman said, deadpan.   
  
“Uh-huh!”   
  
“For almost three hours.”   
  
“Absolute-liiii- owowowowow!” he said, followed by a loud thump and what sounded vaguely like an owl screech.   
  
“That’s it, I’m coming in.” he announced, even as Dick voiced his protest, which was a long string of no’s interspersed with ow’s.   
  
The sight Batman came across was not a pretty one. After so long in the crime-fighting business, you’d think you’d get used to blood, but this was different. This was droplets across the tile floor, some already dried, smudged fingerprints pressed along the edge of the bathtub. The bathtub Dick was currently sitting in, fully clothed, his head on his knees, fingers curled into his sides hard enough to turn the nails pink-white. Like he was trying to tear himself open.   
  
As he edged closer, he saw even more streaks on the bottom of the tub, and when Dick lifted his head, he looked completely and utterly miserable. Worse than Batman had ever seen him before. Worse than he ever wanted to.   
  
“What happened?” he growled, angry at whoever, whatever did this. Robin got injured in the line of battle plenty of times, bruises, even the occasional gash, but every time he would just patch himself up and go back to being his usual cheerful self. He certainly didn’t hide in the bathroom.   
  
Dick curled in on himself even further, somehow, bunching up the material on his shirt - Led Zeppelin, he noted. It was a grounding sort of detail. “I was stupid.” Dick whispered, voice a wavering flag of surrender.   
  
“That’s not really an answer, kid.” Batman said, a bit more gently. Scaring Dick wasn’t his goal. The opposite really. He decided that this might be more of a Bruce moment, so he yanked off the cowl, tucking the more rebellious curls behind his ear.   
  
“I was just so excited and happy and you guys were using my name and everything so I forgot to take them, which was really stupid, because now it’s started happening again and it hurttssss!” Dick wailed, dropping his head to his knees again.   
  
“What did you forget to take, Dick?” Bruce said, slowly placing one hand on the kid’s shoulder.  
  
“M-my blockers.”   
  
“Your blockers?” he asked, confused.   
  
“My _hormone_ blockers. The things that stop me from having this _thing_ every month.” he said, gesturing down to the ring of red around him. It is at this moment that the pieces start falling into place. The blood and the pain, and the being in the bathroom for hours.   
  
“So you’re like this because of your….period?” Bruce said, and yea, maybe it’s a reflection on his lack of emotional maturity how gross it made him feel to say it out loud, but whatever. He did it, that’s the point, and he was right, because Dick is nodding morosely.   
  
“Right. Ok. Um, should I call Barbara? Cause I don’t really understand this kind of stuff.” Dick blinked up at him, looking baffled.   
  
“You’re not going to kick me out?”   
  
“Why would I kick you out?”   
  
“Because I’m not a….real boy.” he said, all shameful and sad, which really, really doesn’t make any sense.   
  
“What, are you a puppet now?”   
  
“No, I’m transgender.” Bruce stared at him blankly. “Like, I was raised as a girl, but I’m not. And I’m on hormone blockers so estrogen doesn’t make my body go all curvy, and I’m probably going to take testosterone when I’m old enough. Or at least, that was the plan. Mister Alfred said it was feasible.” Suddenly the parental control warning made more sense.   
  
“Sounds good to me.”   
  
“Really?”   
  
“Yea.” he said, not having anything more eloquent to say. He still wasn’t exactly sure what Dick was talking about, but if it made his face light up like that, and Alfred said it was ok, then it was good with him. “So, what do you need right now? Cause I’m pretty sure you guys don’t just stay in the bathroom the whole time.” Like 87% sure. His private school did not have good sex ed.   
  
“Oh, um. Miss Barbara probably has some supplies in her bathroom.”

“Why do you need policing supplies?”

  
“No. Like, pads and tampons.”

  
“Eugh. Gross." he said, but went to get them anyway. There were four boxes of the stuff, and not knowing which was the best, Bruce took them all back. Dick picked up the long, thin one with the funky lid, which had held despite falling from his precarious stack on the way over, which he found impressive.

  
"Anything else?" he asked, feeling much better than he had moments previously. He wasn't good at emotions, or being a Dad, or being tactful. But he was good at solving problems, and he had Dick giving him all the answers.

  
"No. I'm fine now." he said, but he had never been a good liar. Never would be, with a face like that. Maybe he should invest in a cowl.

  
"What else." he said, turning the 'I-am-your-father-and-also-Batman-so-don't-bother-lying' look his way. Dick sighed, doing a strange twitchy game with his fingers.

  
"Well....some ice cream would be nice." he muttered, like it was some big thing to ask.  It was easy to forget, sometimes, how he was used to so little, that luxury was a new life for him, and probably one that would never quite fit.

  
"Kid, Barbara has a whole tub of cookies and cream flavor ice cream in her fridge. Go wild." he instructed, and the sunny smile he earned for it should most certainly be added to the lethal weapon list.

  
"But I should probably ask her first. It's rude to eat someone's food without asking." Dick said, and he shrugged.

  
"If you want. I can just buy her some more."

  
Bruce stiffened when he felt arms wrap around his legs, trapping them in a weird half-hug.

  
"Thank you, Padre. For everything." Dick said, with so much gut-wrenching happiness that it hurt too, but this kind was different. It felt good, this hurt, heavy. It felt like home.

  
"You're welcome, Dick." he said, in the way that old people meant, since he was over seventy. The same way that younger people said no problem. "Now get yourself fixed up. Crime waits for no man."

  
"Yes sir!" Dick chirped, releasing his legs in order to give a somewhat sloppy salute. They'd have to work on that later.

  
"I'm proud of you....son." he said, not without difficulty, but it was a start. With that, he ruffled his hair and walked out the bathroom door.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is oboeist3 if you wanna hmu about this gay lego propaganda and my trans son robin


End file.
